Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So vagazzling was a success
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
