She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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