What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
