I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
