Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
