what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
