The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
