I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
