It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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