Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
