I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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