How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
