Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
