honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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