I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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