I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just want to make out with him forever
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
