I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
