after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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