Where did you get a picture of my penis
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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