I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
