WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
