I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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