dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
