When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
