If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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