Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
