Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
