My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
