Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
