def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I believe in your delicious
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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