Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
