Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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