I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
