Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
