Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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