What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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