Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
