I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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