I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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