Dual....:-)
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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