I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
