we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
