his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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