The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
