Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
