Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
