I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
