the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
