I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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