My pussy is not your playground.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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