I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
