Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
