Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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