He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
