Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
